


Mercy on Me

by sten06



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Black Mercy, Everyone is a gay mess, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Her fantasy is being with Kara, Lena falls under the black mercy, supergirl reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 22:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10908609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sten06/pseuds/sten06
Summary: In order to save Lena’s life, she was going to need to tell her that this Kara wasn’t real, and that she wasn’t in love with her.In order to save her life, she was going to need to break her best friend’s heart.ORLena falls under the Black Mercy, and her fantasy of being with Kara comes true...until Supergirl comes to save her.Angst, but you all know I make up for it ;)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alternating POV between Lena & Kara
> 
> More character analysis for Lena, with some of her darkest fears and deepest desires. I believe having her thoughts violated like this would cause such extreme anxiety for her, and that's half of the angst in this fic. Kara would be realizing what really matters in her life, and how to differentiate feelings. I had a ton of fun writing this and crying over my feelings so I hope you all enjoy as well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena's POV - the black mercy attacks, and Lena's wildest dreams come true. In other news, I'm a monster

It had been a long day for Lena Luthor. A long week, really, but she wasn’t one to dwell and complain. She sat back in her office chair, staring hard at her laptop, chewing idly on her thumbnail while studying the schematic in front of her. She was fiercely calculating the figures once, twice, three times, and everything looked correct, but something was missing. Her brow crinkled in frustration, and she felt her head ache with the dull reminder that she hadn’t eaten in hours. With a groan, she stared at the clock. It was 10PM on a Friday, a late enough hour on a calm enough day that even other powerful CEOs would be calling it a night. The lights just outside her office were still on, and she realized her secretary was probably still in the building. With a pang of guilt, she got out of her chair, and glided to the door.

 

“Jess, I’m so sorry -- please don’t wait up for me. You can go. Enjoy your weekend!” Lena said, masking the fatigue in her voice with cheerful optimism. Her secretary had been sitting quietly, no trace of unhappiness in her face, but a noticeable relief in her posture when Lena granted her dismal.

 

“Ms. Luthor, please don’t work too hard,” Jess said, as she gathered her belongings. “It’s Friday, after all.”

 

“Thanks Jess, I won’t. Take care.”

 

Lena returned to her desk feeling more tired than before and decided to follow suit. There was a bottle of wine and a novel calling her name at home, and she wanted desperately to rest her tired brain before having to be back at it again in the morning. Her thoughts flickered to Kara, then, for no reason other than it was the natural place her mind wandered when not focused on work. It was like a reflex, the sunny blonde just popping into her head the way she so gracefully entered her life all those months ago. Kara had broken down every barrier, every expectation, and every wall that Lena had by simply showing up. She was always there for Lena in her most trying times, standing steadfast and defending her vehemently no matter how dicey the situation. Beyond that, she was warm, and kind, and gentle, always acknowledging Lena’s point of view, and never leaving her hanging when she needed to talk. She valued Lena’s advice and opinions, and seemed to hold her in the highest regard, which made Lena feel authentically valuable instead of just used for her resources. She liked spending time with Lena doing nothing in particular, and with every encounter, she made Lena feel like there was nothing else she’d rather be doing. It was hard not to fall into the orbit of Kara Danvers’ sun.

 

By this time, the two were getting extremely close, and even if it wasn’t exactly as Lena would prefer, she was thankful for anything she could get when it came to Kara. She held her feelings in check, afraid that one wrong move, or one wrong word would shatter everything they built. Lena knew she could suffer in silence, because just having Kara in her life in any capacity was far better than losing her due to selfish indulgence. Admitting her more-than-friend feelings was a risk she was never going to be willing to take, because the odds were not in her favor.

 

Lena Luthor simply didn’t bet on things that didn’t have a good probability.

 

She smiled, thinking back to their last lunch date a few days ago, where Kara had eagerly tried kale at Lena’s insistence, only to cough and sputter and make a scene over the leafy texture.

 

_“This is poison, Lena, not a super food!” she choked, shaking her head and reaching for her drink. Her eyes watered with disgust, and she crinkled her nose in utter distaste._

 

_“You’re so dramatic. I know it’s not potstickers, but honestly, Kara, not everything green is out to kill you.” Lena laughed, unable to help toying with Kara and alluding to her aversion to Kryptonite._

 

_Kara fiddled with her glasses awkwardly, the way she always did when Lena made jokes referencing Supergirl, unaware that Lena suspected her identity from day one. It was a fun, albeit exhausting game, one Lena understood, but wished would end soon. Her only friends in National City being the same person was a harsh reality, one she didn’t like to dwell on too long or it would become far too real._

 

Deep down, Lena knew her best friend moonlighted as National City’s caped hero, but knowing it and admitting it were two different things entirely. It was a precarious arrangement that Lena deflected through humor and turning the other cheek, because the implications of what it might mean to were far too great. Their friendship was the brightest thing in her life, her safe haven, the place she could go to forget everything heavy weighing on her shoulders. Reconciling Kara with Supergirl meant there was yet another person in Lena’s life who had a tangled history with the Luthor name, and a complicated moral code that might overshadow a connection. No matter how deep or profound it might be, the risk was all the same, and Lena wasn’t willing to face the consequences until she absolutely had to.

 

She pulled herself from her thoughts and fired off a quick text, not expecting the quick reply.

 

[Lena]: Brunch on Sunday? I know a place

[Kara]: Sounds great - but no kale this time. I mean it.

[Lena]: ;)

 

With one final sweep of her office, she gathered her things, put on her coat and headed for home. When she arrived at her apartment, she was too tired to turn on her lights, choosing instead to drop her bag by the door and remove her shoes in one fell swoop. She shuffled off to the kitchen, the warm glow of the oven light providing enough for her to navigate, leading her straight to her targeted bottle of cabernet. She expertly uncorked her waiting bottle and made her way to the couch. As she approached, she felt an eerie sensation prickle on the back of her neck, a strange feeling gripped her, like she was being watched. She gracefully maneuvered to her end table and opened the drawer, pulling out a taser, before whipping violently around and pointing it in the corner. She saw something shuffle along the floor out of the corner of her eye.

 

“Stay back!” she yelled, waving the weapon in the general vicinity of the intruder, as the creature moved closer before springing into action. Her voice was suddenly muffled by the giant attacker and then _silence._ Everything faded to black.

* * *

Lena woke with a start. She felt like she was stirring from the craziest dream, but she couldn’t quite grasp onto what it was about, the figures and images twisted, remaining just out of reach. It proved to be fruitless, as the answers eluded her, leaving her with nothing but confusion and the vague sensation that everything was slightly _off_ . She felt strange, as she looked around her room, only to realize she wasn’t in her room at all. The sunlight coursed through the open windows violently, something she never allowed in her own pitch-black corner of her penthouse. She sat up, then, and stared at the comforter, taking in her surroundings only to realize she was in Kara’s apartment. _“How in the world did I end up here?”_ she thought, running her fingers through her hair as if to try to loosen the memories from the night before, anything to provide a clue as to how she ended up in her best friend’s bed. It wasn’t terribly uncommon, she’d fallen asleep at Kara’s several times before, whenever their movie nights carried late into the evening, but the fact that she simply couldn’t remember such a night made her stomach twist in discomfort.

 

Lena’s mind wandered as she stared around the cheerful apartment, her favorite place in National City, a hidden treasure filled with so much warmth and love. She smelled fresh coffee wafting from the kitchen, and she smiled, realizing Kara must be close by. She closed her eyes to take in the moment, allowing herself a few minutes to let go of her previous anxiety, before she heard the most beautiful sound in the world. Kara was singing to herself, roaming around the apartment, opening drawers and shuffling silverware. All of Lena’s uneasiness melted away as she felt the harmony dancing into her ears. It felt right. It felt cozy. It felt like home.

 

She slowly got out of bed and padded to the kitchen, where Kara was standing at the stove, her hair up in a messy bun, wearing a white t-shirt that clung in all the right places and baggy gray sweatpants, intently focused on flipping pancakes. It was the most beautiful thing Lena had ever seen, and she had to force herself to remember to breathe. Kara turned as she heard Lena approach and her face lit up into a huge smile.

 

“Hey you! I hope you’re hungry. I’ve got enough pancakes for an army!” she said, and she turned back to the stove to begin turning over the golden delicacies in the pan. Lena’s heart flipped right along with them.

 

“Hi. Kara, this is too kind, I’m so sorry, I don’t remember coming over last night. You didn’t have to make me breakfast, I’ve already intruded enough.” Lena laughed softly, shaking her head, embarrassed for clearly taking up so much of Kara’s time. She shuffled to the kitchen island and sat down gently on the counter stool, watching Kara hard at work. The sight was endearing, and adorable, and Lena felt like she could watch her cook for hours.

 

Kara turned to her again, spatula in hand, her head tilted thoughtfully.

 

“Sweetheart are you okay?” she asked, and Lena felt her stomach drop ten stories. Kara had never called her ‘sweetheart’, or any form of endearment beyond ‘best friend’, ever, and even though it lit Lena’s heart on fire, she was sure she must still be dreaming.

 

“Erm-- I’m fine, I just, I didn’t mean to take over your Saturday. I’m sure you have a ton of things to do, and I’ve invaded your apartment.” she glanced at Kara, who was still giving her a perturbed look, and she felt the confusion settle back over her.

 

Kara turned the burner off and walked around the island slowly in order to stand in front of Lena. She placed her hands on Lena’s arms gently, her deep blue eyes searching Lena’s own for answers to a question Lena hadn’t asked. She smiled softly and tilted Lena’s chin up with her fingers, before capturing her lips in a gentle, loving kiss.

 

Lena felt her mind go completely blank, as she lost herself in the feeling of Kara’s lips on hers. It was perfect and slow and tender, and she wanted to remember it forever. Suddenly it occurred to her that it wasn’t the expected intensity of a first kiss, but the slow, practiced, reassuring comfort of a forever kiss -- one Lena had only exchanged with Kara in her most private dreams. One that, by Kara’s behavior, they had exchanged frequently in this scenario as well. She could feel the tingle of her lips so precisely, that she didn’t know how this could possibly be a dream, but how else could she explain not remembering a single kiss before this moment?

 

The doubt began filling her mind again, and she wondered briefly if this was a prank. There had to be some reason, some catch, for why this was happening in the way it was happening. She studied Kara’s eyes intensely, desperate to seek the answers she craved. She trusted Kara beyond all reasonable measure, and didn’t think she would be capable of playing such a cruel joke, but there was hardly any explanation for her sudden gush of feelings towards Lena. She tried to remember if they had a conversation recently where feelings were confessed, or their relationship was talked about, but she was turning up blank. Her heart pounded steadily in her chest, and she couldn’t understand how Kara could look at her so adoringly, so desperately, if she was faking it. She analyzed the soft curve of her lips, and the way her mouth turned up at the corner in a genuine, playful smirk -- one Lena had scrutinized and melted over on more than one occasion. She felt the pressure of her hands against her skin, the way they always had a calm force behind them, but never too much, always just the perfect amount of pressure with every hug, or every small touch. Her eyes flickered over the deep sapphire gaze that was raking over her body, briefly getting lost in their endless expanse. Lena noticed briefly that where Kara’s eyes normally had a knowing sparkle, there seemed to be a darkness swirling behind them, a storm brewing beneath the surface of calm, peaceful water. It made Lena’s throat dry.

 

“I know you practically live in your office, but did you really forget moving in here?” Kara asked, in a playful tone, stepping away from Lena and shaking her head. Her pearly white teeth bit gently on the corner of her lip, looking at Lena with fixed interest. “We’re waiting on the closing for that new apartment across town, remember? And you insisted you liked it here better, because it felt more cozy than that dungeon tower you used to live in! I don’t know why though, this place is a shoebox in comparison.” Kara gestured to the room, rolling her eyes and looking back at Lena with her signature smile.

 

Lena let her mouth hang open in shock. _What did Kara just say? We live together?_

 

“I-- Kara, I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” Lena asked, completely dumbfounded, her mind in a frenzy.

 

“I’m sorry! I’m overwhelming you before you’ve even had coffee. I don’t think you ate dinner last night either, so no wonder you’re all confused. Relax, let me take care of you. We’ve got plenty of time, we aren’t going anywhere until later.” Kara said cheerfully, adjusting her glasses nervously as she reached for a mug from her cabinet and began pouring.

 

Lena studied her movements, watched her gracefully move about the kitchen, trailed her eyes over the muscles in her arms as she lifted the pan off the stove, and the crinkles by her eyes when she caught Lena’s gaze and offered a smile. It was Kara, for sure, but Lena couldn’t get rid of the growing uneasiness pooling in her stomach at how this couldn’t possibly be real.

 

“Where are we going later?” Lena asked cautiously, still trying to put together the pieces without sounding completely insane. She felt like if she played along, maybe more of the story would come out and she could get a grasp on the situation.

 

“Alex and Maggie are having us for dinner! Oh Lena, you’ve been so stressed out. If you don’t want to go, I can cancel…” Kara began, looking at Lena with such concern, and such love, that Lena felt like she might pass out. “I definitely don’t want to force you to hang out with my sister tonight if you aren’t up to it.”

 

“No! Don’t be silly, Kara, that sounds...amazing. It really does. I must have just gotten my days mixed up. I’m excited to see them.” Lena said, and she meant it, forcing the doubt in the back of her mind to stop clawing at her for just a minute.

 

“I know Alex can’t really cook, but I convinced her to just skip straight to ordering pizza,” Kara said, grinning, as she piled a stack of pancakes on a plate and began getting out the maple syrup and orange juice. “And yes, we’ll have salad for you, don’t worry. It won’t be like last time!” Kara shook her head and laughed.

 

“Last time?” Lena arched her eyebrow, imploring Kara to go on.

 

Kara rolled her eyes.

 

“You’re really going to make me relive the quinoa incident?” Kara said teasingly, and Lena couldn’t help but force a small chuckle, more at Kara’s facial expression than due to actually remembering such a thing.

 

They settled into a comfortable silence, and Lena set about cutting into the pancakes slowly, desperately trying to ponder what was happening. Kara watched her curiously, her bright eyes searching, but for what, Lena wasn’t sure. She looked like she was about to speak, but suddenly, her phone went off. Lena glanced at where it was resting on the table, and saw the picture that lit up the screen. Kara’s home screen was set to a picture of them, with Kara facing the camera, a huge smile on her face and Lena kissing her cheek. They looked so happy, so perfect, so _together_ that Lena’s heart felt so full it could burst.

 

“Hi Eliza!” Kara said into the phone, and Lena continued eating, trying not to listen too pointedly on Kara’s conversation. She heard references to holiday plans that seemed to include her, and she felt her heart rate increase.

 

_Kara’s family? Thanksgiving? Us?_

 

She tried to distract herself in order to avoid asking more questions and instead turned her attention to the apartment, noticing little knick knacks that made it more couple-y than she had originally noticed. There were mugs labeled with “L” and “K” on them, presumably purchased when Lena came to live with Kara. There were blankets strewn on the couch that Lena recognized from her old apartment, particularly an oversized fluffy navy one that Kara always claimed whenever she used to come over. There were pictures adorning the bookshelf, too, that Lena must have walked by when she left the bedroom that morning. Carefully, she got off her stool and walked across the room to start looking through them. There was a candid photo of her and Kara smiling at each other, unaware of the camera, looking like there was nowhere else they’d rather be than right there in that moment. There was a group photo of Lena, Kara, Alex, Maggie, James and Winn taken at a dinner that Lena wished she could remember attending. There was a photo with Kara’s family, the Danvers, at a holiday celebration that Lena had no idea how she would forget. She reached out and touched the frames, and the evidence was all tangibly there. Kara’s conversation was winding down, so Lena gracefully meandered back to her perch in the kitchen.

 

“Sorry babe, Eliza has been on me about Thanksgiving, wanting to know our plans. I keep telling her you aren’t sure about that conference or when we’ll want to host everyone, but you know how she gets.” Kara prattled on, returning to the kitchen and staring at Lena with a grin.

 

Lena still couldn’t get used to this version of Kara -- this perfect, sweet, girlfriend version of the person she always wanted. She didn’t think she would ever get tired of hearing herself referred to as someone special, even if said so casually in conversation.

 

“What did you decide on?” Lena asked, phrasing it in what she would consider to be a reasonably inconspicuous response.

 

“I don’t care what we do, as long as I’m spending it with you.” Kara said, reaching her hand out for Lena to take, her voice laced with such sincerity that it nearly took Lena’s breath away.

 

Lena decided to test her luck. She stood up off the stool and walked toward Kara boldly. She pulled her into her arms and kissed her with everything she had, everything she had ever hoped to convey, poured into one passionate embrace. Kara kissed her back just as intently, just as forcefully, and Lena felt her entire body go numb.

 

“There you are! I was really worried you were sick or something.” Kara said as they parted, exhaling slightly, a huge smile on her face.

 

Lena couldn’t help breaking into the same smile as all her fears subsided.

 

Kara Danvers, the love of her life, was standing in front of her, loving her back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's POV - her own feelings, and her desperate attempt to rescue Lena -- plus a shocking (not so shocking) revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My naive super hero angel off to save her girl.

_“Hey Lena, it’s me - I’m so sorry to have to cancel on you last minute, I just had something come up for work. Text me when you get this, maybe we can just turn brunch into dinner instead? Okay I’ll talk to you later, bye!”_

 

Kara hung up with a huff, annoyed at herself for having to cancel on Lena _again_. It was starting to get out of hand, the amount of times she had to blow off her friend, even though Lena was painstakingly understanding. Kara felt like even with Lena’s reassurance, it could only go on for so long before she’d be forced to come clean in order to salvage their friendship. It wasn’t fair to keep lying to her and treating her like a second priority, where if things were different, Kara would never push her to the side.

 

She felt the guilt settle in her chest the more she labored over it. Lena Luthor, big time multinational CEO, never made Kara feel like she came second. Lena, who worked around the clock, and had side projects that ranged from solving climate change to curing cancer and who gave TED talks on quantum theory, never hesitated to rearrange her schedule to have lunch with Kara Danvers, junior CatCo reporter. She was gracious and kind, always up for Kara’s junk food suggestions, even when she occasionally slipped in a few of her own higher end tastes. She was encouraging and thoughtful, giving Kara the confidence she needed in moments she didn’t realize she was lacking, just by saying a few wise words or throwing her a caring, knowing look. She was even courteous enough to pick Kara up for their outings on more than one occasion, refusing to exercise any power over their dynamic, treating Kara like a perfect equal, instead of someone she could control. Kara sighed. Lena had truly become her best friend, and that seemed to make everything more complicated.

 

It wasn’t that Lena couldn’t be trusted with the truth about Kara and her superhero alter-ego. If anything, Kara trusted Lena beyond all rationality and had faith in her despite all other opinions. It was just so hard at this point to tell Lena without making her feel like it was a betrayal of trust. She felt like she worked so hard to earn Lena’s friendship, and the last thing she wanted to do was damage it in any way. She hadn’t anticipated getting so close to her so fast, and the situation had only gotten more awkward as time passed. Now, the red cape felt like the elephant in the room every time they got together, and Kara’s tongue slurred and twisted over the words she desperately wanted to say. Beyond that, she also hated the idea that by telling Lena, she would be making her a bigger target than the Luthor CEO already was. It would be another person knowing Kara’s true identity, someone who was in a strong position of authority and influence, and could be used for more ills than Kara really cared to think about. It was a messy situation no matter how she looked at it, and Kara couldn’t find a way to make it easier without somehow hurting her friend. On top of everything, she really had been looking forward to having brunch with Lena and forgetting her responsibilities for a few hours, getting lost in the laughter and the comfort Lena’s smile always brought to her day. Instead, she was forced to once again offer a lousy last minute excuse and face a rogue alien menace terrorizing downtown. Her light, good mood that she began the day with quickly began to turn drastically south.

 

As she waited for her coordinates from Alex, her mind wandered back to Lena, as it always invariably did when she wasn’t stressed out with work or Supergirl missions. She thought about the way Lena always knew when something was bothering her, even just by the tone of her voice. If Lena called her back right now, she would know something was wrong, just by the way Kara said hello. It always made Kara’s heart flutter, knowing someone could care that _deeply_ and be so in tune with her emotions, despite not having the enhanced senses that a Kryptonian possessed on Earth. Instead, Lena was always offering to listen, often stopping her own sentences abruptly to interject with an _“Is everything okay?”_ when she could read Kara’s feelings. The best part was the way she’d actually wait to hear the answer, her bright green eyes flashing with concern over Kara’s face, intent on trying to help.

 

She smiled, thinking back to their lunch a few weeks ago, and the way Lena had indulged Kara in talking about her favorite band, even though she was fairly confident Lena had looked them up only after Kara mentioned them. She couldn’t imagine a teenage Lena Luthor listening to boy bands, or obsessing over celebrity gossip, but if anyone overheard their conversation, they’d think both women were die hard fans.

 

_“But let me ask you this, right,” she said, with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, gesturing between the two options, “would you rather have an N*SYNC reunion, or Justin and Britney get back together?” her eyebrow raised in a playful challenge._

 

_“My OTP!” Kara swooned, her hand pressed dramatically to her chest as she considered the question. Lena giggled, and Kara instantly melted over the way the normally intimidating brunette could be reduced to a smiling puddle over a silly lunchtime conversation._

 

_“That’s an impossible question to answer and you’re cruel for asking!”_

 

Kara sighed, wondering how she got so lucky to have found a friend that made her feel the way Lena did. They may have seemed like an odd pairing at first, but now Kara couldn’t imagine life without the brilliantly smart CEO with the heart of gold.

 

A crackling over her earpiece forced her to focus her thoughts on the task at hand, and wait for the DEO’s instructions. In an instant, she was outfitted as Supergirl and taking off into the mid-morning sky.

 

 

Hours later, Kara returned to her apartment with Alex, tired, but successful. She reached for her phone, and frowned.

 

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked, as she strolled to the fridge in search of a post-work brew to calm her nerves. She turned and looked at Kara, waiting for an explanation.

 

“No, nothing, I just...I left Lena a voicemail earlier about brunch but she never called me back,” Kara said, scrolling through her phone, the crinkle on her forehead furrowing deeper the more she searched. “I just hope she isn’t ticked off that I had to bail on her...again.” Kara rolled her eyes in annoyance.

 

Alex shrugged.

 

“She’s probably just busy, you’ll see her tomorrow, right?” she asked, as she grabbed the remote and plopped down in front of the TV. “Law & Order or House Hunters?”

 

“I guess it’s not totally weird that she didn’t call, she gets pulled into work things all the time, even on Sundays,” she said with fake confidence, more to convince herself than Alex. “You pick, I’m going to order dinner. Is pizza ok?”

 

Alex nodded absentmindedly while getting engrossed in the TV.

 

Kara fiddled with her phone throughout dinner, and throughout most of the evening, until Alex finally reached across to snag it. She tossed it aside.

 

“Go,” she said, nodding her head. “You’re not going to feel better until you do, so go check on her.”

 

“That’s not--I’m just sitting here--” Kara started, but Alex shot her a knowing look and Kara deflated. She sighed. “I’m just worried, okay? It’s Lena, and when she doesn’t respond for hours, it isn’t out of the realm of possibility that she’s been kidnapped or something.”

 

“Kara, you don’t have to explain, I get it. I’ll wait here. Go check on her.” Alex said, resting her hand reassuringly on Kara’s shoulder and nodding at her gently.

 

In a flash, Kara was out the window and taking off, heading uptown to Lena’s apartment. She got there in record time, frowning at the fact that the entire place was dark. It was only 9PM, and even though Lena could do with turning in for an early night, it seemed highly unlikely that she would. Kara landed on her balcony and knocked on the door, quietly at first, taking a moment to listen. She could hear Lena’s heartbeat, steady and calm, radiating within the apartment. It eased the tension in her neck and settled her nerves slightly, to know Lena was there, and she seemed relaxed. Kara scanned inside just to be sure, and then she saw it. A wine glass, shattered on the floor, and Lena, on her back, stuck under the influence of the vicious black mercy.

 

“Alex, how fast can you get over here? We have a huge problem.” Kara said into her wired connection, her voice tense and shaky.

 

“I’m on my way.” Alex responded immediately.

 

Alex arrived soon thereafter and the two broke into Lena’s apartment. They carefully eased her off the ground, the black mercy fully in tact, and transported her to the DEO. Kara was frantic with worry, remembering the time she was held captive to her own deepest desires only to be wrenched out of her fantasy at the last minute by her sister. It was heartbreaking and terrifying, and the fact that Lena was about to experience the same trauma made her heart ache. Someone who had already lost so much, and had to deal with so much anguish, wasn’t going to be easy to salvage without significant damage.

 

They settled Lena into the back bay of the DEO and Alex began to explain to Kara how they would proceed.

 

“Lena is going to be living her happiest, most fulfilled existence, and you know her life here is far from perfect. You’re going to have to get her to reject the fantasy, convince her it isn’t real. But she has to reject it herself. You can’t do it for her.” Alex said calmly, as Kara began to hook herself up to the virtual reality apparatus that would merge her consciousness with Lena’s.

 

“I don’t know how I’m going to do this, Alex. She’s going to hate me.” Kara said with a frantic look in her eye.

 

“There’s no one she trusts more than you. It’s going to be hard, but I know she’ll listen to you,” Alex paused, and held out her hand for Kara to take. “But I have to tell you, it’s going to be intense for both of you. You’re going to be merged with her thoughts, and you’re going to feel her feelings. You have to be strong and remember why you’re there.”

 

Kara nodded seriously, staring at Alex with a small, reassuring smile.

 

“Don’t pull me out, no matter what,” Kara said, her eyes flashing with determination. “I’m serious, Alex. I can’t come back without her.”

 

Alex pursed her lips and offered a curt nod, which was not the commitment that Kara desperately wanted. She clenched her jaw and locked her eyes on her sister one more time, imploring her to promise, before placing the VR system on her head. The Kryptonian hero closed her eyes and prepared to enter into Lena Luthor’s deepest, most hidden fantasy world.

* * *

 Supergirl touched down outside the balcony of a familiar apartment. She looked around curiously, wondering for a split second if the VR had made a mistake.

 

_Why am I at my own apartment?_

 

This was supposed to be Lena’s dream, not her own. She paused for a few minutes, figuring if anything was wrong, Alex would have immediately pulled the plug. Instead, there was a calmness radiating through her body, and a bubbling feeling of pure, unadulterated happiness.

 

Lena.

 

She was definitely joined to Lena’s subconscious, because she could feel the effects of the fantasy, the talons of which had already lodged themselves deep in her heart. Curiously, she peeked in the window.

 

There, unmistakably, was Lena Luthor, curled up around _her_ \-- or not really her, but a version of Kara Danvers -- and they were cuddled together on the couch, laughing. Supergirl tilted her head thoughtfully, wondering what about this particular scenario would be so special, since at first glance it seemed like an ordinary afternoon. The two had grown accustomed to watching movies together, burrowing under blankets and passing hours without even realizing how long they’d been there. The way her heart fluttered upon seeing Lena interact with this version of herself, however, gave her an indication that something was different. She could hear them joking, and she noted the way Lena looked at Kara like she was the most important, precious thing in the world. It was a familiar look, but it was different to see it from this perspective. Slowly, it started to dawn on her what she was witnessing. After a few minutes, the dream version of Kara leaned in and kissed Lena deeply, and the two were lost in their own world of pressing lips and wandering hands. Supergirl couldn’t believe her eyes, and she found herself gawking before forcing herself to look away. She was afraid to impose, even though technically it was on herself. Everything clicked, then, and she couldn’t believe what was actually happening.

 

If Lena Luthor could have her perfect world, it would be in the arms of Kara Danvers.

 

She chanced a glance back in the apartment after several minutes, and she found the two of them had moved to the kitchen, where Lena was smiling at a chattering Kara in that focused, calm way she always had when the two of them were together. Lena was perched on a stool in the kitchen, and Kara was setting out plates and cups, walking idly around, always touching Lena slightly with a loose, wandering hand when she was close enough. Supergirl could feel Lena’s emotions, feel the depth of her feelings, feel the amount of love pouring through her heart, and it was everything she never knew she wanted to feel. She couldn’t help the way her own heart fluttered, watching the interaction as a third party, seeing how truly _perfect_ the two of them looked together.

 

She studied the way Lena’s dark hair cascaded in thick wavy ringlets down her shoulders, and the graceful way the smooth lines peaked and flowed in her elegant neck. She saw her face, really saw it, for the first time, captivated by the way her lips delicately formed words or quirked into tiny smirks whenever she was amused in the conversation. From this angle, Lena’s cheekbones were prominent, with a jawline sculpted from marble, and Supergirl felt like she was hooked up to a surge protector, a steady stream of current buzzing through her veins. Lena might be the most gorgeous person in the galaxy, and Supergirl stood completely transfixed on her balcony.

 

“I love you, darling.” Lena’s low, enchanting voice came through the window to Supergirl’s highly sensitive ear, and she closed her eyes, picturing the way it would look to watch Lena say it to her, directly. She felt the way the words curled around Lena’s tongue, reaching out gracefully to land on her own responsive lips. She lost herself in the endless light that flickered in Lena’s hopeful, loving eyes. In that moment, she felt complete, like the two sides of her personality, the alter-ego and the superhero, could finally be one magnificent being, loved by another.

 

_The only other time Lena had told Kara she loved her was when, once again, she was drifting in and out of consciousness, falling asleep lazily on Kara’s couch after yet another late night movie marathon.  It seemed Lena was only capable of truly giving in to her feelings when she lost control of her inhibitions, and Kara thought about how much strength it took for her to hold back on a daily basis. It felt similar to the way she had to hold back everyday to avoid causing excessive damage with her superpowers, and she suddenly felt closer to Lena than she ever had before._

 

_They had spent the evening laughing, talking, and just genuinely being happy - the happiest Kara could remember being - and neither one seemed eager to bring the night to a close. Lena showed her affection through her actions instead of her words, normally, like the way she quietly encouraged and always listened. The way she opened her office without a second thought to Kara before they were even truly friends, offering her trust and friendship immediately. The way she comforted, and the way she always considered Kara’s feelings before her own. But hearing the words had stirred something subconsciously in Kara’s heart that she didn’t think about until she really saw it again with the help of this unfortunate incident._

 

_Kara got up from the couch to get more hot chocolate, leaving a calmly sleeping Lena curled up on the couch. When she returned, she placed the blanket comfortably around Lena’s hips, and ran her fingers lightly through her hair, smiling at the way Lena’s face looked so peaceful. Lena shifted slightly, her lips curling into a small smile at the contact._

 

_“Mm, hi.” she mumbled, her eyes closed with a dreamy look on her face._

 

_“Hi you,” Kara whispered, “It’s okay, go to sleep, I’m here.”_

 

_“I love you Kara” she sighed, and Kara’s heart fluttered._

 

_“I love you too” she said softly, smiling as she trailed her fingers down to gently cup her cheek before turning back to the TV._

 

Suddenly, her thoughts cleared, and her skin prickled with fear. Hearing Lena say the words so precisely made everything real, and it crashed on her with sickening intensity what she was about to do.

 

In order to save Lena’s life, she was going to need to tell her that this Kara wasn’t real, and that she wasn’t in love with her.

 

In order to save her life, she was going to need to break her best friend’s heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena's POV ... supergirl arrives, and Lena struggles to come to terms with what's real and what's not

Lena stared at Kara’s lips, and the way her eyelids fluttered nervously when she spoke. All the feelings she had kept locked away for so long began overflowing without anything to stop them, pulling her under, drowning her in their powerful wake. Kara smiled at her with so much radiance that she couldn’t help but feel hypnotized by her beauty, perfectly willing and compliant to anything she would ask.

 

If Kara asked her to run away with her to another galaxy, Lena wouldn’t even stop to consider the alternatives.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Kara asked, her fingers idly running through Lena’s thick black hair. It sent goosebumps prickling all up and down her arms, and Lena felt her body flush with energy.

 

“I never thought I could be this happy,” Lena said softly, her eyes slowly fixing on Kara’s calm, gentle form, her heart skipping several beats and shooting a quick jolt through her limbs. “I’m just… happy.”

 

She sighed and closed her eyes, leaning into Kara’s touch.

 

She was finally letting go, and giving in, feeling perfectly relaxed for the first time in too many months, when Supergirl arrived.

 

_Of course._

 

Only, it couldn’t have been Supergirl, because Kara Danvers was standing right next to her.

 

The blonde hero knocked on the balcony window timidly. So softly, in fact, that Lena didn’t even hear it at first. Kara was chattering away happily, her hands caressing Lena’s arms and back whenever she came within striking range, and Lena was too focused on the ascent of her heart beat to notice anything else. The knocking became more insistent, however, until she was forced to look over and see the unmistakable red, blue and gold crest of the girl of steel herself. Lena felt the pull of an unexplained anger burning within her chest.

 

It wasn’t that she was upset with the Kryptonian hero, but her presence always meant some sort of confrontation, and Lena was really enjoying the break from her habitually chaotic existence. There was an anxiety brewing within her mind, frantically trying to get her to acknowledge her forgotten responsibilities -- L-Corp business, nagging emails, her family troubles, the disturbing fact that her memory was painfully distorted with too many forgotten milestones -- but she just couldn’t bring herself to face any of it, not yet. Not when things were seemingly so stable and so warm, like a long, much needed embrace. Not when she finally had the one thing that she never thought she’d ever get to have, because she was a Luthor, and Luthor’s didn’t get happy endings. Parting from that embrace would take a strength that Lena wasn’t sure she wanted to have. Supergirl’s arrival only augmented the dormant stress, and it left Lena understandably annoyed.

 

“Darling, what’s going on?” Lena asked cautiously, glancing outside, her vision landing on Supergirl. The hero waved gently, pointing at the door to let her come in, but Lena could only squint in confusion before quietly trailing her eyes back over to a seemingly oblivious Kara.

 

“What do you mean?” Kara responded innocently, her blue eyes radiant with light, seducing Lena into another whirlwind of feeling.

 

“Who is that outside?” Lena asked, struggling to divert her gaze from Kara’s. She glanced away slowly, only to feel Kara’s fingers moving her chin back to focus on her.

 

“There’s no one there, sweetheart,” Kara said calmly, her head tilted thoughtfully. “You’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately, I think you’re just tired. Maybe you should take a nap?” her eyebrows were furrowed with concern, as she stroked her cheek gently. Lena melted at the gesture, as Kara began steering her toward the bedroom.

 

She started to forget about Supergirl until she heard a crash through the window. Shards of glass flew everywhere and Lena turned slowly to face the impending threat. Kara stood eerily frozen, her arm firmly around Lena’s waist, continuing to pull at her with a strange amount of force.

 

Supergirl gracefully touched down and headed straight for Lena, an urgency in her eyes that Lena had only seen when her life was in peril. She found it odd that Supergirl would be so frenzied, so desperate, so _present_ when everything was seemingly calm.

 

“Supergirl, what an unexpected surprise.” Lena said, her lips curled in an unamused snarl as her cool voice conveyed her displeasure. She stiffened, eyeing the hero intensely, trying to gauge for a slip up that would tell her what she needed to know.

 

With Supergirl in the apartment, and a very weary looking Kara peering at both of them, Lena immediately felt uneasy. She had been convinced beyond a doubt that Kara was Supergirl, the clues too obvious, the excuses too unexplained.

 

_She flew to my office on a bus, for God’s sake._

 

Still, she had to admit, Kara never explicitly confided in her, so there was a small chance she was incorrect. Now, with the two in the same room, she didn’t know what to believe. Deep down, she knew she was dealing with an imposter, she just wasn’t ready to admit which of the blondes in the room it might be.

 

“Lena, I need you to listen to me,” Supergirl’s dazzling blue eyes were impossible to avoid, as her lips formed into a pout, imploring Lena for her attention. “You’re not going to want to hear any of this, but this entire scenario is a dream. You’ve been exposed to a lethal hallucinogen, and none of this is real. I need you to come with me.”

 

Lena’s chin quivered slightly, as she stared down the Kryptonian.

 

“What is this all about?” she quirked her eyebrow and clenched her jaw, refusing to give in to the anxiety looming in her chest.

 

“She’s clearly lying, sweetheart,” the black mercy version of Kara spoke bewitchingly, “How could she be real when I’m standing right here?”

 

Lena noted how Supergirl froze slightly, staring between her and Kara, eyes wide with surprise. Her stomach dropped when she saw the cool steely gaze Kara was giving in return, a cynical look she hadn’t seen her friend give anyone, ever. It was also blatantly evident now, whichever one was the real Kara, now knew that Lena was aware of her identity, or at least had a strong suspicion. Supergirl seemed startled, but Kara seemed confident and unflappable.

 

“You’ve never said it out loud…” Lena started, her mind whirling, trying desperately to recall if Kara had ever in fact confided in her about Supergirl, struggling to believe she would forget such a conversation. Her brain was failing her again, and she looked to Kara for guidance.

 

“Lena, you’ve always known,” Kara drawled, her eyes focusing dangerously on Lena’s face, “You know me better than anyone.”

 

There was a threat looming in her words, one Lena couldn’t quite trace, and it sent shocking chills down her spine. She felt the tug on her heart, and she wanted desperately to believe it was all just a misunderstanding. She thought back to the time when Lex created a duplicate evil version of Superman, and she tried frantically to poke holes in the Kryptonian’s mannerisms to find any trace that she might have ulterior motives. But she simply gazed back at her with the same kind, understanding, gentle eyes and soft face she always had, and it made Lena dizzy with the weight of too many emotions.

 

“You must be mistaken, Supergirl.” Lena managed to say softly, fixing her gaze on the ‘S’ and refusing to meet her eyes. Her tone was silently begging for an explanation that would spare her a world of hurt, but she was already bracing for the destruction.

 

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear and I’m so sorry, but I’m telling the truth,” Supergirl insisted, firmer this time, but still with the same underlying compassion. “Think, Lena. Think about it.”

 

Lena looked around the apartment again, her eyes landing on all the photos she didn’t remember taking and all the trinkets she didn’t remember buying. She racked her brain trying to think of the last thing she really _could_ remember, but it didn’t help that the only memory that came to mind was Kara’s face. The real Kara, and the way she had smiled and blushed at something Lena had said over lunch. It felt like a lifetime ago, when Lena really thought about it, and she felt so far away from everything even though she was supposedly standing right next to her.

 

“Why are you here?” Lena asked, her voice quivering, begging Supergirl with an unspoken tired stare to just leave her alone. “I don’t want to go anywhere, can’t you see that? I’m happy here.”

 

Supergirl inched closer, her arm outstretched, intending to reach for Lena’s hand. Kara quickly intervened, stepping between them, purposefully turning her back to Supergirl, her face inches from Lena’s.

 

“She’s a liar, Lena. Look at me. This is what you always wanted, isn’t it? Being with me, here, together?” Kara’s eyes bore deep into her soul, and Lena felt uncomfortably exposed. She smiled, but it was sharper than Lena expected. “She’s trying to bring you down. She doesn’t love you the way I do.” Kara was insistent, and it made Lena’s heart race.

 

It was the words she always wanted to hear, but something about them landed harshly, a bitter tone that caused the doubt to creep back into Lena’s already calculating mind.

 

“Lena, I know this is terrifying, I know you don’t want to believe what I’m saying, but I promise I only want to help you,” Supergirl urged, her voice increasing in intensity, the way it always did when she was especially passionate about something. “This isn’t real. It isn’t real, and I need you to see that, so you can come with me. I need to bring you back.”

 

“Go back to what, exactly?” Lena’s voice was laced with discontent, as she thought about all the problems and stress she had been avoiding. The darkness swirled over her heart like a storm cloud, and for the first time since waking up in Kara’s apartment, she felt the despair looming. “Fighting uphill battles? Working myself to death? Wishing for something I’ll never have? Tell me, Supergirl, why are you so eager to bring me down under the guise of saving me? Are you that delusional?”

 

Supergirl wore a pained expression, her eyebrows drawn together with a sadness that Lena felt completely responsible for. She didn’t mean to attack her. It wasn’t her fault that everything in her life seemed like an impossible mountain to climb, and that she was so tired of fighting every second. It was easier to close off her emotions than give in to the fear she felt beginning to suffocate her.

 

“I would never want that for you, Lena. You know me...” Supergirl began, but Lena cut her off with a sneer.

 

“Do I? How well do I know you, Supergirl?” Lena scoffed, finally snapping at the fact that whoever was behind the crest hadn’t been fully honest with her, best friend or otherwise. It wasn’t fair to lash out, and she knew it, but she was grasping at anything tangible to sink her teeth into, and Supergirl was the only thing close enough to reach for. “I really think you should go. I don’t need your help this time.” Lena’s voice rang out with confidence, but her heart tripped over itself in terror.

 

Supergirl looked down at the ground, her eyes harboring the low blow, digesting it with grace before clenching her jaw. She was steadfast in her resolution.

 

“I promised I’d always protect you.” Supergirl said with conviction, the statement cutting through to Lena’s core. The words Kara had spoken to her radiated through the room, said with certainty as her alter-ego. It was an attempt to reach out, an attempt to convey trustworthiness. Lena felt her heart break.

 

“Lena, you can’t go with her,” Kara urged, strengthening her hold on Lena’s wrist with uncharacteristic gruffness, “If you go back, you’ll be pulled under. You’ll be fighting against the darkness, more likely than ever to follow in your family’s footsteps. You don’t want that, do you?” her eyes squinted at her, assessing her, and Lena felt herself tremble slightly under the gaze.

 

It was then that the spell was broken. The Black Mercy had a nasty ability to show the mind’s deepest desires, laced together with the soul’s darkest fears. It’s a precarious arrangement, but Kara showed her hand with her comment, something Lena was almost positive the real Kara Danvers would never say. She hesitated, looking desperately at Supergirl for help. She felt defeated, knowing which way she should choose, but still struggling to say the words.

 

“You have to reject this dream, Lena, it isn’t real. I can’t do it for you. I promise you, though, that no matter what happens when you wake up, you won’t be alone. You won’t have to face anything alone, I’ll always be there with you.” Supergirl pleaded, her eyes sparkling, focusing patiently on Lena’s. She radiated warmth, and authentic goodness, the kind she’d only known from one person in her life. Regardless of Supergirl’s honesty, the real Kara Danvers, her best friend, was standing in front of her, with a red cape.

 

Lena knew it was time to go.

 

“I should have known,” Lena said quietly, her voice dejected and flat, taking in all the disappointment as her heart broke in pieces, “In what world would Kara Danvers ever fall in love with me?” she smiled, sadly, shaking her head, a dimpled grimace lining her cheeks. The tears threatened to come, but she managed to regain her composure with a quick clench of her jaw.

 

Supergirl went to speak, but was instead forced into action, moving quickly toward Lena before the black mercy version of Kara could pull her back. The scene was closing in on them, blurry and distorted, crumbling with rapid intensity. There was yelling, and crashing, as books cascaded off the shelf, the entire apartment seeming to disintegrate before her eyes. Lena’s heart raced, as she tried frantically to grab for Supergirl’s hand, successfully interlacing their fingers at the last possible second.

* * *

 Lena woke with a start, gasping for air, her eyes squinting to avoid the bright fluorescents beaming down on her. She struggled briefly, before her frenzied gaze landed on the only pair of eyes she ever wanted to see. Only this time, they made her sick to her stomach. This time, she wanted to be as far away from them as possible. Her mind was struggling to catch up, piecing together the events of the past few days and trying to formulate answers for why she would be strapped to a cot at the DEO.

 

It all came back in a rush -- the dark apartment, the giant plant, the dream, the fantasy version of Kara, and Supergirl’s rescue. She glanced around the room again and watched Kara’s crinkled brow as she studied Lena with concerned intensity.

 

“Lena, oh Lena…..” Supergirl breathed out in relief, making her way over to the bed, “I was so worried about you, are you okay?”

 

Lena closed her eyes in bitter embarrassment, refusing to open them again despite Kara’s repeated questions. She turned on her side, pulling her knees to her chest keeping her back to Kara completely. She was fairly confident that in order to rescue her, Supergirl had to physically be present, at least in some capacity, and was therefore extremely aware of the inner-workings of Lena’s mind. She felt betrayed by her own thoughts, trapped by her own emotions, and completely unwilling to look at Kara directly for fear of everything unraveling.

 

“Lena? What’s wrong? Please talk to me.” Kara begged, but Lena only grimaced. Kara reached out and placed her hand gently on Lena’s shoulder, but Lena pulled from the contact sharply, as if Kara’s fingers electrocuted her. Kara backpedaled slowly.

 

“Lena?” she asked, her voice quivering.

 

“Please just go.” Lena whispered. Her heart was broken, and the amount of shame she felt rivaled all the times her family had made her feel inadequate. Somehow, this was worse than anything she had ever felt.

 

She heard idle mumbling, and she was vaguely aware of another presence in the room. She assumed it was Agent Danvers, but she didn’t want to turn and look for sure. She felt too defeated, and too hopeless to chance meeting either one of the Danvers sisters’ faces. Soft, sad footsteps began to fade from earshot, and the room filled with a chill. Kara had left, and taken all the sunshine in the room with her. Lena slowly opened her eyes, the tears slowly crawling from the corners and spilling down her cheeks.

 

Her limbs felt like they were weighed down with concrete, but her mind was racing, churning with unlimited fervor to come to grips with everything that had just happened. Somehow, the entire ordeal still didn’t feel real, even though she knew every painful second was. She felt herself slipping further out of control, something she dreaded, because all that did was bring up painful reminders of Lex and the way he wasn’t himself towards the end. Being out of control of her own mind was one of Lena’s biggest fears, and it was happening even after the black mercy toyed with her. She automatically thought of Kara, but the usual warm feeling was replaced by a tarnished, damaged, angry heat, one that violated her heart. Deep down, she knew Kara was only doing whatever it took to save her, she presumed, but she hated that it had to be at the cost of her own demons being proudly on display. How could she ever face Kara again, look her in the eye, and tell her she understood? Kara was only doing her job, it didn’t mean anything. Part of her really did get it, and the other part couldn’t stop thinking about Supergirl’s eyes, and the way she looked deep into the recesses of Lena’s soul, to tell her that being in love with Kara -- that being in love with _her_ \-- was a mistake, a farce.

 

She wished it had been anyone else. She wished she loved anyone else. She wished she _was_ anyone else.

 

As she lay there in distress, there were only two things she knew for sure:

 

Kara Danvers was definitely Supergirl, and Kara Danvers was definitely not in love with her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's POV - the aftermath, and Kara's own realizations

_She loves me._

 

Kara opened her eyes, and immediately threw off the virtual reality helmet despite Alex’s frantic protests. She jumped from the bed in a flurry, only controlling her powers after remembering that Lena was in the same room and hadn’t yet woken up.

 

“Easy! Careful, Kara…!” Alex yelped, her arms outstretched to keep Kara contained from flying across the room. Kara was still buzzing with the adrenaline of the nightmare, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She could still feel the ghostly trail of Lena’s fingers interlaced with her own, and she hoped beyond hope that everything was going to be alright.

 

“Did it work, did I get her back?” she asked, visibly shaken. Her eyes darted from Alex, over to Lena, who still remained unconscious, and back to Alex, her face grimacing in fear. “Please tell me I got her back. I don’t know what I’d do…” she began, covering her mouth to suppress the sob that was threatening to burst from her lips.

 

Alex was silent, calmly gathering a reading from the monitor strapped to Lena’s arm, her eyes sharp with concentration. Kara stood behind her, transfixed on Lena’s heartbeat, feeling the pulse radiating within her own body, unable to tell where hers ended and Lena’s began. She closed her eyes and willed her to wake up.

 

_Please don’t leave me. I need you._

 

“She knows I’m Supergirl,” Kara said quietly, her eyes still closed, focusing on the steady, strong rhythm of Lena’s heart. It was the only normal sound she could rely on, the thing that kept her grounded even before this day. Lena’s heartbeat was the constant calm in Kara’s life, and she couldn’t remember when it started to be, only that she never wanted to be without it again. “I never told her, but she already knew.”

 

Alex turned to her softly, her head tilted in thought.

 

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Alex said, tapping her pen against her clipboard and looking over at Lena again. “She’s brilliant, and you aren’t the most subtle.”

 

Kara lowered her head, and offered a small smile, but couldn’t bring herself to laugh at Alex’s attempt to cheer her up. It hurt too much, and she was barely keeping it together.

 

“I should have told her myself. This isn’t how she should have found out,” Kara said, her voice quaking with anxiety and guilt. “She’s never going to forgive me for all of this.”

 

“Kara, you saved her life. She’s going to wake up, and it’s because of you.” Alex said, placing her hand on Kara’s arm gently.

 

“There’s more…” Kara began, but her words were interrupted by coughing and sputtering coming from the other bed. The black mercy crawled off her body and disintegrated into a deflated pile of dust.

 

Lena.

 

Kara called after her, and rushed to her bed side, only to find her avoiding her eyes, and turning away. She frantically tried to reach out, but Lena was wrapped around herself, her eyes closed in a painful grimace, unwilling to listen to Kara’s pleas. Kara reached out to touch her, but when Lena recoiled with such force, Kara’s heart shattered.

 

“Please just go.” the words were haunting, and Kara’s bulletproof body felt like it had been ransacked by Kryptonite. She didn’t think a rejection could hurt this bad, until she realized it paled in comparison to what Lena must be feeling.

 

She looked at Alex desperately. Her sister met her eyes with her own look of concern, her lips twisting over what to say next. Suddenly, the earpiece in Kara’s ear crackled.

 

“Supergirl, we need you downtown as soon as possible, it seems that alien is back and he’s brought friends.” Winn’s voice cut through the silence with abrupt force, grating against Kara’s nerves and forcing her to raise a hand to her temple to stop the jolt.

 

“I’ll be right there.” she said, her voice low and quiet. It wasn’t the confident bravado of the normally confident hero, but the quivering tired sound of a girl who knew too much pain.

 

“Don’t let her leave, Alex. She can’t be alone right now” Kara said, gesturing over at Lena’s crumpled form, her body coiled so tightly that it made Kara’s heart ache. Her chin was dipped low, hiding her face from the light, as if the fluorescents were burning her with each passing minute. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her knees, fingers interlocked, making herself seem as small as possible on the table. “I can’t have her walk away from here thinking this is it.” she explained, and Alex nodded.

 

“I’ll do my best,” she said, shaking her head. “Be careful, and hurry back.”

 

Supergirl raced out of the room and off into the clouds, but not before leaving her heart in pieces on the floor. It landed next to the other shattered soul in the room.

* * *

Kara returned a few hours later to a suspiciously quiet DEO. She raced down the hallway and into the back, only to find the room was empty.

 

“Alex!” she yelled, frantically going from door to door searching for her sister. “Alex! Where are you? Where’d she go?” Kara was slamming doors with excessive force, the building shaking under her manic spurts of power.

 

“I’m right here,” Alex said quietly, walking calmly up to Kara, her arms outstretched with her palms facing out, an attempt to center Kara and get her to take a breath. “Please calm down, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. Let’s go talk, alright?”

 

“Where is she?” Kara asked again, her jaw tense with anxiety, eyes blazing with hurt and fear.

 

“There’s no reasoning with a Luthor,” Alex responded sharply, her voice indicative of a struggle. “Physically, she’s perfectly fine. She’s back at work, after insisting she didn’t need any more treatment. I couldn’t do anything, Kara. She’s too stubborn and didn’t want my help. You know how she is.” Alex glanced at the floor, before pursing her lips and facing Kara again.

 

Kara sighed, tilting her head to the ceiling, her palm running clumsily over her eye and up over her forehead in exasperation.

 

“From the way you’re carrying on, was her fantasy really that bad?” Alex asked. “I mean, I know Lena’s got some demons, but what’d you see that has you so riled up? Is our resident CEO a boardroom dominatrix?” Alex chuckled, which turned into a full on laugh at the way Kara’s face flushed dramatically.

 

“N-N-No, why would you even think that?” Kara asked, staring her sister down, her eyes squinting in judgement. “Why are you thinking about Lena?”

 

“Trust me, I’m not, but you’re acting ridiculous,” Alex said smirking, “So, what is it? What’s wrong?”

 

Kara looked at the ground, the images flashing before her eyes on repeat, the only thing she’d been able to focus on since waking up. She saw Lena’s piercing green eyes, heard her sinfully addictive voice, and felt her fingers ghosting over her neck and collarbone, the way she had witnessed through the window, aching for it to be directed at her for real. She sighed, as the thoughts sent a hit of adrenaline coursing through her veins. Lena was better than any steroid, or serum, and Kara couldn’t get enough no matter how hard she tried.

 

“It was…. Us,” she began, looking slowly and guiltily up at Alex, her eyes flashing with all the emotions she couldn’t say out loud. “It was… It was my apartment, and it was us together.”

 

“Together…? As in…” Alex began, her eyes narrowing in concentration.

 

“As in together. We were a couple, we lived together. She kissed me-- well, she kissed Kara, anyway. We were so in love,” Kara’s voice cracked, as she turned to stare off into the empty room longingly wishing Lena was still inside. “It was shocking at first. I mean, I never would have thought…”

 

“Oh, honey…” Alex said, “You never noticed the way she looks at you? The way she drops everything to spend time with you? I mean, she’s a wonderful person, don’t get me wrong, but she isn’t moving mountains for just anyone. You’re so special to her, Kara. Of course she wants to be with you.”

 

“When I saw it from a different perspective, like an outsider, I could see it. I finally understood. My thoughts were subconsciously merged with hers when we were under and I could feel everything so intensely. She loves me, so much…” a tear escaped Kara’s eye and slowly trailed down her cheek. “And I had to look her in the eye and tell her it wasn’t real.”

 

Alex exhaled softly, and reached her arms out to wrap Kara in a strong embrace.

 

“You saved her, Kara. You didn’t have a choice. She’ll come around, she really will,” Alex whispered, squeezing Kara extra tight to reassure her. “You only did what was best for her, and deep down, she knows that.”

 

“But I do love her.” Kara all but whispered, so softly even her own super hearing could barely detect it. Alex stiffened slightly, then pulled back from their embrace to study her face.

 

“I know you do, but it’s different,” Alex said calmly, “You don’t have to feel guilty for that.”

 

“No, I mean--I love her,” Kara said, stronger this time, her voice loud and clear. “When I saw us together, it was like everything made sense. I always felt like there was something missing, no matter what I did, there was just a piece missing even in my happiest moments. Watching the way I could be with Lena, it was like when Jeremiah first gave me my glasses. All the other noise and distractions died away, and it was just us. It was safe, and comforting and perfect. I felt...whole.” she sighed, running her fingers through her golden locks. “Maybe the thing I’ve been searching for has been somewhere I never thought to look. Am I making sense?” she looked to Alex for reassurance, her eyes pleading and desperate.

 

She shook her head sadly before finishing.

 

“I ruined everything.”

 

Alex grinned in sympathy.

 

“I more than anyone know that you’re making perfect sense, and you didn’t ruin it. You just have to be patient, Kara. She’s reeling from so much rejection,” Alex said, her eyes soft with understanding, “You remember what it felt like, to have everything you ever dreamed of put in front of you -- your life on Krypton, your family -- only to have it snatched away again. Lena is grieving.”

 

“But she doesn’t have to,” Kara exclaimed, nodding assuredly, her heart pounding strongly as if to enforce her already supercharged feelings. “I need to talk to her, need to get her to understand. She doesn’t have to be alone. I found her, Alex. She’s it, she’s what I’ve been missing. I love her.”

 

“She has to be ready to hear it, otherwise it won’t matter.” Alex said, reaching out to steady Kara, who was busy fumbling with her phone and practically bouncing off the ceiling with nervous energy.

 

Hours later, and still no response, Kara tried again. She was back home now, fully disengaged from her Supergirl persona, curled up on her couch and sulking. The apartment looked haunted, tarnished with the destruction of the black mercy fantasy and all the crushed hope that lay buried in the corners. She felt the heaviness settle on her chest everywhere she looked, picturing Lena’s smile as she easily glided over to the kitchen counter, or her laugh when she was gracefully draped over Kara’s couch. The silence was maddening, and Kara was vibrating with pent up anxiety. She looked around the room idly, her eyes landing on the photographs on her bookshelf, all void of the one person who made them come to life. She hadn’t realized everything that was missing until she had it ripped from her. It dawned on her how Lena must be feeling, when this was everything she knew she wanted, and she also had to watch it burn.

 

_“Lena it’s Kara, I was just checking up on you. I’m so worried. I--Just--please call me when you can ok? Bye…”_

 

Lena’s phone was switched off, Kara’s 10th call going directly to voicemail. Lena Luthor never turned off her cell phone, even on her worst days. She also never purposely avoided Kara, and that made the stabbing pain in her stomach increase.

* * *

Kara tossed and turned all night, checking her phone every other minute for any trace of a response from Lena. Instead, she was met with frustrating radio silence and quiet, threatening darkness. She paced around her apartment in a frenzy, knocking and breaking her barstool in two when she wasn’t paying attention, lost in her anguished thoughts about losing Lena. She thought she heard her phone vibrate, and in her haste to reach for the cursed device, her elbow put a hole in the wall.

 

She changed into Supergirl rapidly and took off into the night, desperate to do anything to clear her mind. She flew for hours, the tears running down her face being whipped away by the wind. She wished the same could be done with her feelings, but the longer she was out there, the heavier she felt. Finally, it was a more suitable morning hour, and she decided she couldn’t wait anymore. She turned the corner and raced to the familiar tower of a certain Luthor enterprise, her red boots touching down gracefully on the top balcony.

 

“You know that door really isn’t an entrance,” Lena said, her voice cold, her eyes locked on her laptop. She refused to look up, and Kara felt the chill immediately. Her heart sank. “What can I do for you, Kara?”

 

The way she said her name with such formality made Kara’s skin go cold. It felt so foreign, and so uncomfortable, that she didn’t know what to say at first. She was used to Lena having her guard up around Supergirl, if not for any reason other than their relationship was more based on respect and business versus companionship and love. Now, it seemed like her entire identity was categorized as a business deal and her heart broke with the realization that her best friend didn’t want to recognize her. She strolled into the room tentatively, losing the confidence she normally wore when donning the red cape of the house of El.

 

“I’ve been so worried about you,” Kara began, her heart racing, as she stood in front of Lena’s desk, facing the impassive CEO. Lena’s jaw was clenched, and her eyes were slightly red, indicating she hadn’t had the best night’s sleep either. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

 

Lena shuffled some papers aside before pursing her lips and exhaling. Her eyes flashed quickly, making eye contact briefly with Kara, only to turn back to her laptop in feigned indifference.

 

“I’m perfectly fine, Kara. Though I suppose I owe you a thank you, forgive me for not saying that sooner. You saved my life, after all,” she said in a lazy monotone that sounded almost heavy with regret. “Is there a reason you’re here as Supergirl? Is there more official business I should be aware of?” she rolled her eyes slightly, a sarcastic laugh buried in her throat.

 

“Lena, please,” Kara stepped forward slightly, “I’m so sorry…”

 

“You had your reasons, Kara, I trust there was more to it than just my feelings,” Lena said calmly, “It’s fine.”

 

“This wasn’t how I wanted to tell you.” Kara began, the words getting lost in her throat when Lena’s eyes snapped up, her lips twisted in a wry smirk. Kara knew that look, and she didn’t like it one bit.

 

“Well, things rarely work out how we want them to now, don’t they?” she snapped, staring hard at the “S” on her chest, as if her vision could sear through the lies and betrayal that Kara felt guilty for harboring.

 

“I don’t want it to change things.” Kara begged, her arms outstretched, reaching for something she wasn’t sure she could ever have.

 

“How can it not?” Lena said softly, the bitterness in her voice being cut by an unexpected rush of emotion. There was so much more behind that question than Kara’s identity.

 

Kara opened her mouth to speak, but Lena cleared her throat.

 

“Sorry, Kara, I’ve got a lot of work to do, if you wouldn’t mind.” she gestured to the door, signaling an abrupt end to the conversation.

 

Kara nodded slowly, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over. She turned to leave, but paused at the exit.

 

“You still know me, Lena. You’ve always known me,” Kara said pointedly, “And I know you.”

 

A long silence stretched over the room, before Kara nodded to herself and softly exited.

 

She took off toward the horizon, desperate to put miles between her and Lena in order to prevent herself from turning back around and making things worse. Lena had shut down completely, and Kara didn’t know how she was ever going to get her back.

 

Supergirl might have saved Lena Luthor’s life, but Kara Danvers felt like she lost her for good.  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena's POV, the ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you'll recognize the ending a little, but I couldn't help using those lines - they were too perfect for the context of the story. I also died a thousand deaths while writing it.

_“You know me, Lena. You’ve always known me,” Kara said pointedly, “And I know you.”_

 

The words hung in the air like a threat, despite the well meaning intentions. Lena felt them sting, her body beginning to go numb to anymore pain. She clenched her jaw, her mind unable to find the words she desperately wanted to say. It wasn’t Kara she was upset with, and if she could berate anyone, it would be herself. The whole reason she had been avoiding Kara was because she didn’t have the words to explain how truly sorry she was for all the pain she caused, and all the awkwardness she’d created. It was her fault for always being in these situations, causing Kara to always come bail her out. She didn’t know how they were ever going to recover from this, their relationship taking a turn into a territory of far too many revelations. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Kara exited her office, the dejected hunch in her shoulders hitting Lena right in the chest. She stared after her, willing her to return, if not for any reason other than her self-loathing desire to feel worse about everything she’d ruined.

 

“That’s the problem,” Lena sighed to herself once Kara had exited, shaking her head. She looked out the window hoping for a last glimpse of the girl she loved as she took off into the sky. “We know too much.”

 

She stood up and walked outside to her balcony. As she stared out over National City, she let the tears fall freely, as she thought about her best friend, and the fact that she was a nation’s hero. She didn’t feel betrayed, or even upset with Kara for hiding. It wasn’t her fault, really, and Lena knew that. Kara always protected others first and foremost, and keeping her identity locked away was a necessary evil. She did it to protect Lena, and the thought made her stomach twist. She didn’t feel like she deserved any of it, and yet there it was. Unwavering, unconditional. Just as Kara always promised.

 

 _“I will always be your friend, and I will always protect you.”_ Lena heard the echo of the words loud and clear, and saw them in every single action Kara took. It broke her heart, as she felt like she could never be worth all of that effort, since everything she touched always went up in smoke. But Kara never retracted, and never held back. She kept her promises, and Lena was no exception.

 

Deep in her soul, she was proud, because she always saw the shining light and heroism that Kara exuded, even without the cape and crest. She admired Supergirl, and loved her in a strong, profound way, but she adored Kara beyond all measure. It was overwhelming to finally see the two personas merge into one, and she was struggling to differentiate the blurred lines. She couldn’t decide if she was falling deeper in love with Kara, or if her heart was breaking beyond repair at the fact that she was even more unattainable. It wouldn’t have been an easy conversation no matter how they did it, but the fact that it had to happen in such violating, out of control terms made Lena’s head ache.

 

She suddenly got a flashback to the dream, her lips locking on Kara’s, and the soft, insistent way they pushed into her. It was ingrained in her mind, ensnaring her senses as if it was really happening, a nightmare on a loop that became more confusing each time it played. She felt the tingling on her neck where Kara’s fingers had ghosted, and she felt her heart pick up speed just by the sheer memory of their embrace. She grimaced, closing her eyes tightly, trying to will the image away as the embarrassment flooded to her cheeks. Kara had seen all of it, and probably even more, and was exposed to all the hidden secrets Lena had been harboring. It was horrifying, and she hated that she felt so betrayed by her own mind. She couldn’t believe that she put this burden on Kara, on top of everything. On top of her secret identity and sworn alliance, now she had to worry about Lena’s extra emotions. It wasn’t fair for her to juggle so many things when it came to one person. Lena hated being such a complicated addition to Kara’s already complicated life.

 

She remembered what Lex told her, years ago, words her mother always used to say now mirrored in her only trusted confidante.

 

_“You can’t always show your hand, Lena,” Lex said gruffly, his eyes dark with warning, “You love too freely and you care too much. It’s going to ruin you if you don’t learn to control yourself. You always try to believe people are pure at heart, but they’re not, trust me. Don’t let your optimism override your logic. You’re smarter than that.”_

 

It shook her, to hear it from someone other than Lillian. His advice didn’t always prevent her from making decisions with her hopeful heart, but it did, however, contribute greatly to the excessive guilt she felt weighing on her shoulders when things unraveled.

 

Ultimately, she knew she could swallow the rejection, and force herself to carry on. It wasn’t the first time, and it wasn’t a surprise. Lena would bounce back and be strong, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was Kara, and her penchant for always wanting to do the right thing. She was terrified that Kara would want to make up for it in some way -- let her down in the easiest way possible -- or worse, give her a chance out of pity. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility for Kara to be guilted into giving a relationship a try, since it had happened already once before. Lena felt disgusted at the thought of being another toxic disappointment to someone who deserved so much better. She exhaled, and looked over the horizon. Her phone pinged inside, bringing her thoughts back to the reality of her day. She sauntered back to her desk and buried herself in her work, desperate for a distraction that didn’t involve Kara.

* * *

 [Kara]: You know you’re still invited tonight, right?

[Lena]: Thank you Kara

[Lena]: I won’t be able to make it, I’ve got to catch up on too much work

 

Kara didn’t respond, and Lena didn’t blame her. They had been tentatively communicating for the past week, but Lena couldn’t bring herself to face her, not yet. It was especially impossible to put on a fake smile and face the entire group of friends at game night, where everyone would be walking on eggshells, presumably out of concern for Lena’s mental state. If there was one thing Lena hated, it was being pitied. It was the same reason she kept finding excuses to avoid most plans with Kara currently, despite her consistent attempts. Fortunately, she never pushed beyond the initial invitation, and Lena sighed at how respectful she always was. Somehow, it made her feel worse. She didn’t deserve this, especially since she was treating Kara so horribly. The fact was, she just wasn’t ready for the intensity of a conversation, and she wished they could skip over the part where Kara would attempt to let her down gently. Better yet, she just wanted to go back in time and avoid the situation entirely. Perhaps there would be some resources in the L-Corp lab to work on time travel. She made a mental note to check on that later.

 

Later that evening, Lena found herself walking through the streets of National City, trying to clear her mind, but having a horrible time doing it. She kept getting lost in thoughts of inside jokes with Kara, ones that normally made her laugh, but instead just intensified the desperate loneliness she was feeling since everything happened. She walked on autopilot, unaware of her surroundings until she saw herself outside a familiar building.

 

Kara’s. Of course.

 

She glanced up from the street, and saw the light in Kara’s apartment, smiling cheerfully. She closed her eyes and inhaled slowly, feeling the warmth of the interior, giving herself a quick moment of peace before returning to her own dismal evening. She could make out a few figures in the apartment, all there for game night, the first one in months that she was missing. She pictured Alex and Maggie curled up in each other while taking bets on the outcome of the games, and Kara’s cheesy smile when going after the last potsticker.

 

A figure appeared out on the balcony, leaning over the railing, facing out over the horizon. She looked small, and slightly defeated, a hunched posture that wasn’t characteristic of a normally bright, indomitable spirit. Lena stared up, her heart beating against her ribs, fighting the urge to call out to her.

 

Instead, she turned sadly and walked away, refusing to allow herself to look back.

* * *

Finally, after another week of self-imposed exile, Lena felt herself cracking. She couldn’t go anymore days without confronting Kara and apologizing. She had wallowed in self pity for long enough, and she felt horrified for the way she was behaving. She could hear her mother’s criticisms for her weak display of emotion, and she hated everything even more than she did before. It was unacceptable, and she needed to do better if she had any chance to salvage some sort of a friendship with Kara. All of the demons she had unleashed needed to be addressed and contained, and Lena swore she would do better to control every feeling moving forward.

 

[Lena]: Can we talk?

[Kara]: Of course. Do you want me to come over?

[Lena]: I can come to you, I don’t mind

[Kara]: Open your window

 

Lena’s heart flipped involuntarily as she opened the back door of the balcony leading into the apartment. Kara was standing there, cape fluttering, her hair in perfect golden-honey waves around her face, radiating a warmth that pulled Lena in almost instantly.

 

“I--Hi--Were you busy? You didn’t have to come if you were in the middle of something,” Lena stammered, surprised to see Kara dressed as Supergirl. She pointed at the crest, a small smirk on her lips as she playfully tried to pass off her confusion for amusement. “I’d hate to steal National City’s hero from the masses.”

 

“No, no, it’s fine, I just--I wanted to get here as quickly as I could, and this seemed more efficient.” Kara said, gesturing to her outfit, her eyebrows furrowed slightly in contemplation.

 

They settled into the apartment, the awkward tension swirling around them causing a deafening distraction. Lena fidgeted with her hands before clearing her throat.

 

“Erm-- Can I get you something to drink?” she said, walking slowly over to her refrigerator, pointing to the kitchen unnecessarily. Kara reached out gently and touched her arm, the surprise of which sent shockwaves through Lena’s system.

 

“I’m okay. Lena, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I didn’t mean to betray you, and I didn’t mean to ruin your life by pulling you from the black mercy, but you would have died and I can’t live without you--” Kara paused, her voice cracking slightly. Lena’s heart flipped over the words, but she remained silent, staring at Kara curiously. “I know I’ve been badgering you to talk to me, and if you don’t want to, you don’t have to, but I just -- I miss you so much and I’m so worried, and I hate that everything is messed up and I’ll do whatever it takes to fix it. I know you probably hate me --” Kara rambled, launching into her apology in a frenzy, her words jumbled and chaotic. She was pacing nervously and making Lena’s head spin.

 

Lena couldn’t help the amused smile that came over her face, just at the sight of Kara, in all her heroic regalia, being so frantic and adorable. She cleared her throat.

 

“I could never hate you,” Lena said, sighing, running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to stop her nerves, “Not now, not ever. The only person I hate right now is myself.”

 

Kara stopped in her tracks and stared at Lena in surprise.

 

“Why would you hate yourself?” Kara asked, “Lena, are you seriously blaming yourself for all of this? I’m the one that wasn’t completely honest. I wanted to be, I just didn’t know how to tell you without putting you in danger, and you already knew, but you’re so understanding that you were just waiting for me. You waited, and I didn’t tell you. I’m so sorry.”

 

“I always knew, Kara, and I’m not upset at you for it. It’s your identity, and your secret to tell, not mine. I would have waited for you forever.” the words hung heavily in the room, and Lena’s lip twisted with the underlying meaning. She continued, hoping to outrun her own mouth. “It _is_ slightly overwhelming,” she gestured at the suit, grinning, “to see it, and really know it’s you, but I’m getting used to it. That isn’t what ruined everything. You didn’t ruin everything. I did.”

 

“What are you talking about? You did nothing wrong.” Kara took a step closer to Lena, her arms crossed in defiance.

 

“Well, it’s the Luthor way, you know,” Lena gestured vaguely, a hurt smile on her face, “if something nice comes along, it’s imperative we destroy it in the most spectacular fashion.”

 

“Lena…” Kara said sympathetically, grasping her hand in hers and interlocking their fingers. She squeezed gently.

 

“I’ve just been embarrassed, frankly. I never meant for you to see all of my twisted thoughts, and now that you have, it’s hard for me to explain. I don’t have any explanation,” Lena said, forcing an airy laugh, avoiding Kara’s eyes. “It’s not something I would ever want to burden you with. I’m actually surprised to see I didn’t send you running in the opposite direction.” She looked at Kara again slowly, the crinkle in her forehead showing her concern for Lena in the way it always did. She swallowed her overwhelming feelings.

 

“Why would I ever run away from you?” Kara asked, her voice genuine and sincere.

 

“Oh, I don’t know, because I’m dramatic? Something so over the top as what you saw, I mean, really,” Lena laughed, rolling her eyes, her cheeks flushing in more embarrassment as she tried to play it off as a joke. “Typical Lena, can’t just have a harmless crush on someone, it has to be a life altering state of emergency.”

 

Kara winced, her lips forming a pout as she listened.

 

“Don’t do that,” she pleaded, looking at Lena desperately. “Don’t act like your feelings don’t matter.”

 

“It’s okay, Kara, I’m fine,” Lena said, “You don’t have to fix it. I promise.”

 

“I felt it too, you know. I felt all of it. Everything finally makes sense to me. Everything I didn’t know I was missing...it’s like I finally woke up. You said you always knew I was Supergirl, but it was something else entirely to see it. Well--” Kara took a deep breath, “I always knew how you felt, deep down, I just didn’t recognize it. You showed it to me every day, you made me feel like the most special person in the entire universe. I want to have that, with you. I want to be with you, fully, Lena.”

 

“Kara, I don’t need you to feel sorry for me, truly,” Lena said, feeling defensive for no other reason than her guilt eating away at her. “You don’t owe me a chance, just because you know I have feelings for you. You’re sweet, and wonderful for wanting to do that for me, but I won’t let you. I asked you here to apologize fully, and to tell you that I don’t want or expect anything from you. I’m going to be fine, and I really just want us to be able to be friends again. I know it’s going to take some time, but I’m willing to do whatever you need to make that happen.”

 

Kara shook her head, staring at Lena wide-eyed, her head tilted in thought.

 

“I’m the one that disrupted your thoughts without your permission,” Kara said, adamantly, “I hate that I violated your mind, and it caused all of this pain. I would never do that to you on purpose. But, you have to know -- it didn’t make me scared of you. It showed me what I could have with you. It showed me what I deserve to have. I felt _happy_. I felt complete. Seeing us together, and how much we love each other, it was everything, Lena. Part of me didn’t want to wake you up, because I didn’t want that to end for either of us.” Kara looked down, sheepishly.

 

“You said it wasn’t real,” Lena said, backing away slightly, feeling like her mind was playing tricks on her again. Her voice quivered slightly, “You said I had to reject the fantasy in order to come back…” she felt like the room was going to start spinning, like somehow she never woke up, and she might be back in the nightmare.

 

Kara squeezed her hand and steadied her. It was like she knew what Lena was thinking, and could feel the doubt come to the surface.

 

“I’m here. It’s okay. I’m here,” she said strongly, “You did, Lena. You did have to reject it. It was the only way for you to survive. That dream wasn’t real, because it wasn’t really me,” Kara implored, her words beckoning Lena to fall into her tempting embrace. “But I’m here now, all of me, and I’m telling you that I love you. I’ve always loved you, I just didn’t know how much, until I saw it. I’m so sorry it took this happening for me to realize, but I’ve never been more sure of anything than I am about you, Lena.”

 

“Kara…” Lena hesitated, the guilt wracking her brain, yelling at her that it would never work. This would never be happening, and Kara was only doing this out of sympathy. Her heart thumped wildly, as she desperately wanted to believe there was still a chance, that her ridiculous fantasy wasn’t entirely dead.

 

“You really don’t think you deserve this? You don’t deserve to be happy, in real life?” Kara asked, stepping closer, her face inches from Lena’s now.

 

“What about you?” Lena whispered.

 

“I’m here because I want to be happy.” Kara’s voice was so confident, her posture so assured, that Lena felt herself melting into Kara’s strong embrace. She let Kara hold her tight, sighing into the space next to her neck, inhaling the scent of her shampoo that always reminded her of honeysuckle and fresh apples. She had hugged Kara hundreds of times over the course of their friendship, but this felt different, it held everything, a promise for a new chapter. Kara inched her head slightly and Lena felt her breath hitch, before she captured Lena’s full lips against her own. The feeling was electric, and Lena could hardly stand up, feeling herself become fully supported by Kara’s strength as she let her mind float freely into everything that was _them._ It felt better than her wildest dreams, and her shattered fantasy, and it was something she never wanted to forget. Kara’s lips were warm and insistent, threading promises along her jaw and working up to her ear, whispering endearments and leaving a trail of love in their wake.

 

Lena stiffened slightly, the warm chill down her spine reminding her of something. It was an almost-perfect moment, but there was something she needed to make it right.

 

“What is it?” Kara asked gently, pulling back with unease.

 

“I’m so happy you’re here, Supergirl, and this is all happening, but--” Lena paused, her eyes flickering slightly over Kara’s face, her heart beating as she felt Kara’s breath along her neck. She ran her fingers along the thread of the superhero’s suit,  “I would just really like it if I could see Kara right now.” she finished softly, her cheeks flushing a soft crimson. She looked away, flustered, hoping Kara wouldn’t take it as an insult. She just really needed to feel the warmth of her best friend, her happy place, her soulmate. It was still new and a bit tangled with Supergirl, and Lena didn’t think she could be convinced of Kara’s feelings until she saw her in the way she needed to see her. Her Kara.

 

Kara ran her fingers along the outside of Lena’s jaw, and up her cheek, before nodding, a small smile on her lips. She backed away slowly and walked into Lena’s room, pulling Lena along with her. She sped over to Lena’s closet, where some of her own clothes were left from one of their many overnighters. Lena took a seat on her bed and waited. Kara quickly closed the door and emerged in her soft t-shirt and sweatpants, her hair in a loose bun, as she adjusted her glasses on her face.

 

Lena’s heart swelled, and for the first time, she felt complete. It was the first time in weeks she felt a genuine smile on her face, one that hurt her cheeks and wouldn’t disappear no matter how hard she tried to contain it. She immediately felt anchored, and safe, her heart tethered to Kara’s own beaming, genuine smile. Kara walked back over to the bed, and Lena pulled at her shirt, forcing her to land on top of her, their lips colliding with perfect intensity.

 

“Lena…” Kara said, her voice raspy with desire. She sank her body lower on top of Lena’s, and Lena pulled at her fiercely, desperate to close any space between them.

 

“You don’t know how much I want you.” Lena muttered, her lips pushing against Kara’s with fiery passion, overwhelmed by Kara’s presence and everything that was _her_. Kara kissed back just as desperately, her hands tangling in Lena’s thick wavy hair, pulling her impossibly closer as her tongue expertly trailed over her lips and deeper into her mouth.

 

“You’ve always had me.” Kara whispered between gasps, as Lena nipped lightly at her lip, biting it gently before pushing her back slightly. They paused, Lena catching her breath, as Kara hovered lightly on top of her. Her fingers moved softly over the muscles in Kara’s neck and throat, trailing over her jawline and up her cheek, finishing by unraveling her hair down around her face. Lena was desperate to commit every inch to memory, unwilling to miss a single detail. She cupped Kara’s face in her hands and studied the lines in her cheeks, eyes furrowed in desperate concentration, praying silently that this was really happening. She caught Kara’s gaze and her heart overflowed as she got lost in her compassionate eyes. These eyes were sparkling like infinite galaxies, and had the glimmer of hope simmering behind them that Lena looked for whenever she needed reassurance. It was Kara, without a doubt, and in that moment, she was hers.

 

“I love you, Lena.” Kara breathed, the intensity of her gaze filling Lena with so much hope that her body vibrated with electricity.

 

“Real or not real?” she whispered, her fingers tracing softly back over Kara’s jaw and over her lips, desperate to feel the words coming out of her mouth, as if attempting to hold on to them before they slipped away.

 

“So real.” Kara exhaled, leaning down to capture Lena’s lips in a searing, white hot kiss.   


**Author's Note:**

> as always, come find me on tumblr, i'm the one in the corner clutching a bottle of wine and screaming over lena luthor @stennnn06


End file.
